I have decided to turn down all requests to commit myself to “extra-curricular” projects. On the spot, when asked, I tend to be flattered and genuinely excited that people want to involve me in something new. However, when I go back and think about it, I realise I’m spread out too thin already. Then I tell them I can’t do it. It’s happened twice in the past month already. Sorry, guys.
Part of me feels it is a shame that I will be missing out on exciting new Movements happening in Singapore, but I must keep my own yard clean before volunteering to work on other people’s.
There are papers I wish to write, books I need to complete reading, French homework that needs to be done (exams are in May). I need to get back into shape, take stock of my possessions and give away what I don’t need.
I’ve also neglected my friends for too long, hopping from one new network to another without forming deep relationships. It now takes several months before I can find time to meet old friends, and it makes me wonder how it’s got to this stage. I’ve postponed dinners, and often arrive late because of the sheer volume of work I try to squeeze in before leaving the office. A few years ago, I would’ve been punctual and waiting for others to arrive. This disturbs me.
And don’t even get me started on God, whom I’ve neglected in favour of work, work, and more work. This Sunday in church I re-dedicated myself to Him. I am contemplating signing up for a course on how to guide other Christians. This means I’ll have to plan my own time better and enforce my personal boundaries, which have gotten rather blurry over the past couple of years.
So I apologise to those who’ve asked, but I’d rather say no now, then agree and drop out later. That would be more irresponsible. My “No” means ‘not right now’, and not a ‘never’, but I expect my experiences over the next year to give me new perspectives and possibly set me off in a different direction. We’ll take things one step at a time.