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Now that I have the Logos bible study software on my Mac, I consulted it to learn the origin of Christmas. My two main questions were:

How did the name ‘Christmas’ come about?

According to Harper’s Bible Dictionary,

Christmas, the annual festival commemorating the birth of Jesus, celebrated on December 25 in all churches except the Church of Armenia, for which it is January 6. The term appears as early as a.d. 1123 in Old English as ‘Cristes maesse’ (and variations) and ‘Christmas’ by 1568, meaning Mass of Christ.

Why is Christmas on the 25th of December?

This question has been in my mind for a while. After all, it’s not like the Bible recorded the exact date Jesus was born. I’ve read reports on how the actual date may be different but for various reasons, the Church settled on the 25th. According to the same dictionary,

The actual date of Jesus’ birth is unknown. There is no evidence of celebrating the nativity before the third century. January 6 became widely observed in the third century to commemorate the ‘manifestation’ (‘epiphany’) of Christ on earth, including his birth, baptism, and the visit of the Magi, with varying local emphases. The celebration of the nativity is attested in Rome in a.d. 336 (where Epiphany, January 6, commemorated the visit of the Magi), and this became widespread in the fifth and sixth centuries. Although there are various theories on the selection of December 25, the most widely accepted is that this date had already been a major pagan festival, that of Sol Invictus, the ‘birth’ of the ‘Unconquerable Sun,’ marking the winter solstice (the sun’s triumph over darkness). With the triumph of Christianity, Christmas replaced the pagan festival, Christians having applied ‘Sun of Righteousness’ (Mal. 4:2) to Christ.

I think that there’s no need to quibble over the most exact date because that’s besides the point. We should look to the spirit of the occasion and those who believe should see this as a special time to celebrate, anyway.

A blessed Christmas to you!

On Christmas eve morning I visited my colleagues and joined the department lunch party. Then I went to town to look for golf bag covers. I went to Tangs (in real life, not Second) to spend some vouchers. Then I went home and helped mum prepare for the Christmas party. The turkey and ham was excellent, and the rest of the pot luck food was great, too.

I’ve been moving about the whole day without coffee and am really sleepy now. Good night and Merry Christmas!

I had a productive day:

1. Sent the car for servicing. Repaired the blown fuse in my cigarette lighter which I use to charge my iPhone
2. Met up with ex-colleagues from Fynch for lunch. Took lots of photos of
3. Went to SGL at Sim Lim Square to buy RAM to upgrade the family iMac and my MacBook Pro. Got SGL staff to upgrade the MacBook Pro on the spot. Bought a cooling unit for my MacBook Pro so it won’t get hot so easily.
4. Went for Bible Studies
5. Successfully installed the new RAM in the iMac by watching the instructions on Youtube
6. Tomorrow I will be going for a HPB reunion and catch up with people.

(Observation: When times are hard, instead of buying new cars and new computers, we service them and replace or upgrade existing components.)

Other things to be done:

Go to Tangs (in real life) to use up a voucher that’s expiring really soon Visit golf shops to look for covers for our bags when we fly to Vietnam on Boxing Day Pack for the trip! Finish editing the INSEAD Dash video Fix the darn comment problem on my blogs (probably by removing a Typepad comment script I installed which worked initially) Upgrade to the latest version of MT. If it keeps giving me trouble I have half a mind to move to Wordpress. Seriously, after all these years, I’m getting fed up

In several hours I’ll be on a cruise to Penang and back. I will be back before Christmas, but my schedule is filling up. After Christmas I will be playing golf in Vietnam. Next week:

• I will be back at HPB for a department party and to catch up with everyone
• I am resuming Bible Studies with my new cell group :)
• There will be a Xmas party at my place (family/clan only)

Geek-wise, these are what I’m planning to do:

• Play with my newly-acquired Bible software for in-depth study
• Complete production of the INSEAD Dash video
• Produce new songs in my studio (finally got my keyboards and sound system working again)
• Upgrade the RAM in my Macs
• Trying out new games on my iPhone
• Starting development work on my iPhone app idea; testing it out with the target audience

Comments in my blog have somehow screwed up, which is interesting because I haven’t done anything to it (like, I don’t even have the time to mess it up?). My web server has been acting up a few times each month and spam attacks are bloating my database size.

So if there’s something important you can still send me a message separately. But I may not reply until after my holiday. Enjoy yourselves in the meantime!

‘Hardworking’ was a label that teachers used to describe me. It was in my report cards for some years since Primary school. Presumably, it’s one of many commonly-used terms and teachers had to write reports for 30-40 plus students in each class, and I’m sure that some of my readers also have similar experiences. Still, I remember seeing that word occur often enough to remember it even up to today.

Tonight I had an interesting conversation with a classmate’s friend about a study he read on why certain races are more hardworking (ahem, i.e. Asians) compared to others. It can be traced back to our farming roots. Rice, grown in Asia, required regular tending, while wheat (European) needed somewhat less attention, and finally maize needed the least work (New World - South America). These racial tendencies apparently superceded individual personality traits. (I have yet to locate this study, so if anyone knows the source please send me the link).

Being at an international business school seems to have accentuated the differences to me, as we’ve noticed conflicts over working styles. Some classmates (from the rice and wheat) want to complete the work immediately, while others (from the wheat and maize) feel the work can be done later. So far it is consistent with the farming analogy. However we also depersonalised the differences as we had taken the Meyers-Briggs Type Indicator and when there are conflicts we will say “Oh, it’s because I’m a J (Judging) and you’re a P (Perceiving)”. So this study takes things to a new level.

Whatever the case, as we progress in our careers, I think it’s not that great a label to be known foremost as ‘hardworking’. That’s what Dick Cheney called Hillary Clinton today, among other things. Being ‘hardworking’ doesn’t give you the best-run Presidential campaign, nor the ability to control infighting or boost your team’s morale. Yes, being hardworking is a positive virtue (unless in some cultures you are seen as more ‘uptight’, competitive and harder to get along with). But being labelled foremost as such raises expectations that you will put in longer hours for the same pay (thus lowering your overall value), that you may be more willing to do the dirty, menial or technical work while other people ‘manage’ and ‘strategise’ above you.

My French language teacher, a Mauritian who’s half-Asian, told me he worked so hard that when he quit his last job his company had to hire a few people to replace him. I empathise. This has made me question how I allowed my own boundaries to shift.

Of course, it’s worse to be lazy than hardworking, but we need to address a perception - at a personal level, and for some of us, at a racial level as well. You don’t hear CEOs and other leaders called “hardworking” first, above other things. At that level, we expect words like “brilliant”, “strategic thinker” and “inspirational” to describe the very best of them (and given current times, “honest” would be great too). “Hardworking” is for the peons, the grunts and whatever other low-level computer game characters (who do menial things like chop the firewood and build houses) are called.

The upfront presence of ‘hardworking’ doesn’t negate totally other qualities but it reduces their luster. How likely will you see these pairings in a report on someone:

“Hardworking and strategic” as opposed to “hardworking and meticulous”

“Hardworking and inspirational” (apart from describing community workers and saviours of society, up to Mother Teresa level)

I’d say these combinations are possible, but are more likely a mismatch. The trick is not to suddenly become lazy - that’s like cutting off your nose to spite your face - but to show you can work smart, not just hard. That you work so smart you don’t always have to put in lots of overtime, unless that’s the company culture you’re in, in which case it’s a separate issue.

So: If you’re no longer in school, no longer very young and inexperienced, and “hardworking” is still the first thing that comes to mind when you are described by your boss and peers … maybe it’s time to emphasize other skills that can put you in a better position instead.

Earlier this week, I had a strange dream. I dreamt that I and a group of classmates were sightseeing in another country. Being a dream, I did not know the name of the country but it felt like a more exotic Asian country, bustling with nightlife and low-lying shophouses.

As we walked down the street there was a ruckus from behind, and a car drove up and stopped in front of us. There were about three dark-skinned men men with serious, determined faces who asked for directions, then sped off. Being in a dream, I was omniscient and somehow knew they were terrorists making a getaway, and so did my classmates. My male classmates jumped into the next taxi to chase the terrorists, while I and 2 other girls jumped into another taxi to make a police report. Strangely, the police station was right in front of us, but it was difficult to reach as there were many extremely small steps which made it difficult to climb up, plus there was a metal/wired gate all around. So we had to get to the police station in a most roundabout way, and the road in fact took us further away from it. I woke up before we reached the station.

As I recounted this dream just now to one of my female classmates (who was in my dream, in the taxi with me), she asked me what day this dream occured. I said it was 2 days ago. She said that would be Tuesday, and added that she may be superstitious but she heard that if you have dreams on Tue, Fri and Sunday they will come true, and if you have dreams on other days then the opposite will happen. I suddenly remembered the terrorist attacks in India and wondered if there could be any link or whether it was plain coincidence. I would prefer it to be the latter, because the alternative would be a terrifying gift, especially if you cannot interpret it well, or cannot do anything about it anyway.

This has made me realise that prophets had to be strong-willed, as they had to risk their lives by telling people things they didn’t want to hear.

Apologies for not blogging as much. I was horrified to see, prior to this, that my home page had only one post because everything else has been archived. Efforts have been channeled to the INSEAD blog, and even then I am running out of time and things to say. My thoughts for the past few weeks, in summary:

I am glad that Obama has won, in case you didn’t see me dressing in all blue in school to indicate my support for the Democrats. However no party or philosophy is perfect (nothing made by man is), there is a shitload of fixing to be done. I think it makes sense for Obama to send his kids to the best school for them, but at the same time work on fixing public schools. He does not have to react in a knee-jerk fashion to criticism, but still he must be careful not to go back on his word too many times (e.g. campaign funding). Clinton as Secretary of State? Looks most likely, and career-wise it is a promotion for her - First Lady role not counted.

School has been very hectic; I am actually beginning to miss work, because no matter how stressful it was, I had a greater sense of control over the outcome. We have been doing crazy things and the past week was possibly the funniest ever. I will try to provide more details in the other blog when I next crawl out from the rubble of homework and impending exams. I wish I were in the Cabaret considering how I used to write stories (and was President of the ACJC creative writing club - ha!) and compose and produce music… but my efforts are focused on the exams, Student Council and being the incoming president of the Technology, Media and Telecoms club (formerly High-Tech club). Quite a handful already.

Personal life wise, I haven’t been actively searching, but something nice happened very recently and that’s all I can say for now.

My resolution to exercise every morning is an unrealised one thus far. I work late and therefore sleep late, thus am in no mood to exercise in the morning before school. I even dreamed about waking up early and exercising, only to wake up in real life to find out that I hadn’t. It’s a travesty, especially since I have a home gym with treadmill, weights and a cycling machine. Plus my health has recovered so I can resume exercise. Really, no excuses. You may nag me about exercising when you next see me. Maybe that will rile me into actually doing it.

Time to sleep.

I attended a former classmate’s wedding bash and asked to meet the lucky man who was now her husband, to offer him my congratulations. She told me it was good to meet him because he was also a headhunter. True, even though I wasn’t desperate for a job it would be good to make first contact with him.

However I think I need to update some of my old friends regarding my career plans, because the first thing my friend said in way of introduction was, “Vanessa is a web designer!”. I immediately received a job offer … to redesign his website.

I haven’t officially been a web designer for, like, 5 years. Yes, in my last job I whipped up web pages and newsletters during emergencies or when there wasn’t anyone else to do the job, but most of the time I would be managing online communication channels, vendors, giving advice on new media strategies, monitoring popularity of our websites and keeping our blogs and social networks going. So I added quickly that I used to do it, but not anymore; I said I was currently doing my MBA at INSEAD. That changed the subject matter of the conversation.

I’m not in denial of what I’ve worked as, but neither do I wish to be pigeonholed in a role that I no longer seek. I still value the substance of good design, and will implement it as far as possible in any work I do. But I think I really need to meet up with old friends more often to make sure their well-meaning statements actually help my positioning ;-)

Thanks anyway, A, and have a wonderful marriage!

Went for my last checkup and fortunately didn’t need to have another scope. The internal bleeding has subsided though there is still a pocket of blood that hasn’t yet dissipated. I’ve completed my 2nd round of anti-inflammation medication and am raring for a spot of exercise. By next week I expect everything to go back to normal.

This weekend I will be revising for my Prices & Markets (microeconomics) makeup exam on Monday. Because of my health checkup and my forthcoming exam, I decided not to go for Podcamp #2 this morning, as much as I’d have loved to. Hopefully this period things will get a little easier for me and I will be able to regain a bit more of my social life.

Yesterday I woke up with chills. I thought it was just the air-conditioning, but the chills remained for a while, even after a hot shower.

During microecons class, my section learnt that we came in first, beating other sections from Wharton and Fontainebleau. Within my section, my group came in third! The top three groups received chilled champagne from our professor and we drank it on the spot. Then we gave him a huge sending-off and drank a lot of Tiger beer.

Thus by the evening I thought my queasy stomach was due to the alcohol consumed earlier in the day. I went home for dinner then went back to school to study. I was even queasier and felt like puking as I drove home.

When I came back I learnt that other family members had it too - and even worse than me. I tried hard not to purge myself, took antibiotics and went to sleep. In the middle of the night I woke up and finally puked out my entire dinner. Then I had surge after surge of diarrhoea. Altogether this kept me up till 4+am.

By the time I fell asleep, my alarm rang. I decided to skip the 8.30am microecons tutorial and the 10.30am stats tutorial because I was still not feeling good. However I absolutely cannot miss the 1.30pm finance class because this is the only chance we have to learn how to answer a past year paper. I will probably try to sit away from the others so they don’t catch my bug.

But what a terrible time to fall ill!!! My exams start on Monday and it’s not like I’m a quantitative genius who already knows how to answer every question - I’m still trying to understand things, especially topics that we only just learnt the last week or two!

I think I need to bomb the loo one more time… Altogether, it is really a terrible feeling.

I am postponing all social engagements until after my exams*. I won’t be responding to emails, comments, showing up at dinners or anything that will take up too much time. Likewise I won’t be giving my input on links you want me to check out, or long articles to read. The only other things I’m doing now is bible study (finally resumed it after being spiritually empty for the last 1-2 years) and French class as I need to pass it to graduate with my MBA. My major club involvement at INSEAD will be the High-Tech club and our Second Life conferences, but again I hope to be more involved after the exams.

Math and finance whizzes may find this period a breeze, but I and some others are taking this quite seriously. I know things will get better next period onwards, but for now I’m trying to keep my chin up so that my nose can stick to the grindstone.

• Declaration: Just in case you see me in town on Monday and think I’m being naughty - I’m popping by after school to see some overseas friends for dinner then going straight home to work. Assignnment deadline is the morning after!!

This is a weekly sum-up, because I have no time and not much of a life anymore. This week, I :

• Was advised by various classmates to be more assertive and drop the Asian humility because everyone else isn’t like that.
• Celebrated my dear friend Monolog’s birthday.
• Continue to be on medication for a blood clot accumulated from internal bleeding.
• Did lots of schoolwork. Still behind but am able to work out most stuff on my own with some help from groupmates.
• Am preparing for 2 graded assignments and a graded quiz this week.
• Nearly went to Formula One but couldn’t be in two places at the same time, and I don’t like being rushed.
• Had a sleep paralysis moment 2 nights ago with a disturbing blackish object appearing beside me, muttering chants into my ear. It was not a pleasant experience being unable to move and defend myself, but singing hymns in my head drove it away.
• Asserted myself at home and got into a shouting match because of it, but I got my point across. Long-missing boundaries need to be enforced in my life.

Taking charge!!!

All the activity is happening at my INSEAD blog for now, so head over there if you don’t mind reading ‘back to school’ insights.

I am contemplating going to a church retreat in JB but alas it’s in the first week of my second term and I am not sure if I can skip Friday classes to make it on time. We’ll see how that goes. I doubt there are many people my age who’ll be going…

Other good news: Perhaps due to being back in school and feeling stressed like a student again, I’ve had tunes popping in my head and have been scrambling to record them down. At this rate I may have a new album by the time I graduate. Pity my G5 PowerMac’s broken down and I haven’t had time to send it for repairs yet. So I have to switch to my MacBook Pro to make music already. It runs Logic Pro just fine, but I haven’t got an audio connector yet.

Anyway, this post is getting geeky so I should stop blogging and go to sleep. It will be a looong Monday.

A quick update as most happening things are, well, happening on my INSEAD blog. Survived the orientation week but it will continue into next week where I will hopefully join some interesting clubs. My team is working fine and we are all contributing in class discussions.

Social life apart from INSEAD is down to a minimum. I can only spend time with my nearest and dearest - family and friends. Body is aching from Outward Bound. Thinking of getting a massage but I am collecting my iPhone at 3pm at Comm Centre this Sunday … anyone feeling bored can join me while I wait in the queue. I think 24 months is too long a contract because by then there’ll be an iPhone 4G with two cameras or iPhone 3D or whatever Steve Jobs can churn up that will blow our minds once again.

Sunday I have a Bristol BBQ party, but at the same time there is an INSEAD BBQ. So I imagine that I will get the iPhone, dash home to charge it if necessary. I may have to skip the INSEAD BBQ because I haven’t seen my uni friends in a while. We’ll see if I can squeeze it all in! And Sunday’s supposed to be my day of rest? :P

This is my last week before officially starting school. Apart from 2 meetups with friends that were made several weeks ago, all my time has been spent going for French classes every day, doing French homework, catching up with my pre-readings and in the last couple of days, meeting up with classmates.

I think I’m going to take it easy socially and see how it goes in the next two weeks. I hope life can be close to normal, but I’m really not too sure about that. Next week, I will also take my French test to see if it meets INSEAD’s third language requirements. Wish me luck!

We have a pond of koi (colourful Japanese carp). They are generally happy and friendly. Over the week, one of my sister’s koi died. Interestingly, it was full of eggs. It is apparently rare for koi in a normal house pond to breed and get pregnant.

We thought that was a one-off incident - until the next day, when one of my koi died. I named all my 3 koi after the Autobot leaders. I wished it had been Ultra Magnus because I didn’t think much of him as a leader, but alas, it was Optimus Prime.

The loss of a pet fish is nowhere near the loss of a dog which you could at least hold and communicate with. However, I’ve known most of these koi since they were babies. I would tell guests at my home about how I saw the baby koi explore their new pond on their first day. The baby koi lined up in a row and the one in front would swim headfirst towards one of the oxygen pipes in our pond which was producing lots of bubbles. Then the koi would relax and get blown away by the bubbles. I even saw the koi’s mouth open up, like it was enjoying itself! What was amazing was how the koi after it would do exactly the same thing. They were like little playmates, taking turns to enjoy their jacuzzi playground.

The koi as adults, in happier times.

Even as adults now, when they see us they swim towards us (especially when they’re hungry). Our chagoi - a black species of koi which looks scary but is the friendliest of all koi and is usually seen as the leader - would be particularly communicative and would make first eye contact with us. I call it Koizumi, after the Japanese presidentPrime Minister who was then in power. Thankfully, it is still alive. We cannot have a leadership crisis in the koi pond.

We will be getting replacements for the two Kois that just died. Optimus Prime may have been killed, but he lives on through the Matrix. In the meantime, Hot Rod has of course been elevated to Rodimus Prime and will be the leader of the Autokoi for now. The new koi shall take on his name, new movies shall be made and his figurine will be available in various limited edition collections ;-)

I will be commencing the Business Foundations course at INSEAD this week from Monday to Friday. While lessons end at 3pm, we are expected to spend another 5 hours doing homework every day.

Thus, I do not expect to have any social life outside of INSEAD. If all goes well I shall still be able to see my family members :)

Just a quick update: INSEADers are great socialisers. We went out on Friday and Saturday and those taking the Business Foundations Course will have a dinner together on Sunday.

Since I’m local, I’ve helped my newly-arrived classmates with various things, mainly giving advice about where to buy things. As I don’t have a particularly strong sense of direction, it was amusing that I was now the one-eyed leading the blind, although I give thanks to Google Maps which is now my Oracle.

Ironically, being in Singapore for so long, we take some things for granted. Some classmates are fascinated with Singapore and I am glad to explain its history and culture to them - from Independence to Mas Selamat ;-)

At the risk of sounding humorously stereotypical: The French are impressed at our efficiency and the fact that nobody seems to be going on strike. The Spanish have realised they cannot kiss and touch any stranger they’re introduced to immediately, although I quickly assured them that since we’re at INSEAD, the uber international school, we will not mind :) The Westerners are now aware that they don’t need to tip for service. Another classmate just learnt that coffee, when ordered at a kopi tiam, comes with milk and sugar already added in it. It is such a fascinating series of ongoing observances that I must catalogue it.

I will be mentioning the rest of my business school experiences very briefly on this blog as most of my experiences will be recorded on the INSEAD blog. It’s for those who are interested in my life as an MBA student, those who wish to apply to INSEAD and those who are curious about studying business in a global environment.

If you’re Singaporean and are about to turn 30, you have to renew your Identification Card (IC). I realised that around my birthday, when I received a letter from the Immigration authorities citing the Regulation requiring me to do so.

The letter

The letter sounded a bit stern, but I told myself I’d get round to doing it - after my trips to Berlin, London and Bangkok! Then I was sent a first reminder and thought I’d better act fast!

We’ve all had terrible shots taken of us from time to time.

As we grow older (and fatter and more speckled, etc) the likelihood of this occuring increases. Some tend to feel especially self-concious when standing beside someone who’s prettier / taller / slimmer than they are.

But to this, I say: So what?! So what if there is someone else in this world, sharing your photograph, who happens to have some feature that you’d like to have? Unless you’re a supermodel or Miss Universe, there’s bound to be some imperfection somewhere. I expect my highly educated girlfriends to be able to withstand being in a photo where they look less than perfect! :P

Of course, my own feelings come into play here. I pride myself on being able to take decent photos. If you ask me to retake (and retake, and retake) a photo which I think looks perfectly fine, it gets annoying and it implies that I suck. I like taking candid shots because people are themselves, not posing with a forced smile. Sometimes the angle isn’t what they’re looking for, but that’s how I usually see them anyway, and I think they look fine. I would never be so evil as to upload a photo of a friend which I think looks terrible.

So pardon me if you felt there was actus reus, because I can assure you there was no mens rea.

Over the years I’ve felt like confronting the situation by responding, “But you normally look like that, what.” God knows how many times I have swallowed that phrase. I value my friends for being beautiful inside, above physical appearance, and they should have nothing to be insecure about.

I’ve been photographed at events for magazines, and even if the photographer shows me what he’s taken and I think it could’ve been better, I don’t make him retake it. As can be expected in group shots, there is always some other damsel who is younger / taller / slimmer / better dressed than we are. Short of having my bra exposed or an olive stuck in my teeth, the photo is probably just fine. The rest of the world won’t notice or care unless you’re a celeb. If there are other girls who are happily bitching that you look worse than they do, then let them bitch because they’re just insecure and they can think whatever they want.

To re-iterate, I don’t upload photos which I think are terrible. The truth is, I think my friends look fine just the way they are. I’m not going to sit around altering people’s faces because they don’t feel pretty. I can do some quick cropping but really don’t have the time or inclination these days to do major touch-ups.

So there. No hard feelings, girls, but I want to set the record straight :)

Oh dear oh dear. ..

I noticed that Gmail was applying the ‘Junk’ filter to a lot of valid emails. Many of them seemed to be just newsletters, but I was also disturbed that it had also filtered emails from my own family, my Media Socialist mailing list buddies and other good friends whose email addresses were in my Address book.

Tonight I went through my Junk folder in detail. Imagine my horror when I saw an email from Adam Greenfield, author of Everyware, asking me (and any other Singapore readers) to hang out with him at Changi when he was in Singapore.

He emailed me in Sep 2007, which was LAST YEAR!!!

This is so embarassing. I just sent Adam a note. I really loved his SXSW presentation on ubiquitous computing. I gave it a full 5 stars. Despite attending lots of panels at SXSW for 3 years in a row I’d still say his was the most mind-blowing presentation because it represented a tangible and exciting new future and I learned the most from it.

My job in Health Promotion would also have been related to some of the examples he gave in his presentation and it would have been marvelous to have met with him.

The question now is, how did Gmail apply a Junk filter which I never asked for?

I suspected it was my syncing Entourage for Mac with Gmail’s IMAP … however I did a timeline check and Gmail only launched its IMAP service in Oct 2007, a month later. By right, all emails sent via my Contact form on my website, should appear in the Inbox. However it and many others were marked as unread and in Junk. From that period onwards I noticed a few other emails sent via my Contact form had somehow landed in Junk too. I still can’t figure it out.

One thing worse than having email overload, is not even receiving important emails in the first place!

I have been meeting up with many friends over the past month and thought I should list out my schedule here. It has been filling up rapidly.

I have something on almost every day, until the end of July. And I have French classes in the mornings.

I still have 3 evenings available for the first week of August. The week after, my Business Foundations course starts. The timetable states that we should allow 5 hours per day for homework!!! So I do not intend to go out for dinner. At most, I may hang out with classmates especially if we have to discuss the homework together.

The week of 18 Aug still looks clear, although I would like to keep a few days free in case anything school-related crops up. I notice that INSEAD is taking the opportunity to organise visits to potential employers’ offices during this time. I may spend that week hanging out with my new classmates as they settle down in Singapore, if they’re interested.

It is scary how time flies. Soon I will be back in school after 8 years in the workforce!

I sprained my ankle yesterday as we were about to leave for the airport in Bangkok. I stepped onto an uneven, cracked pavement, my foot slid and now my left ankle is in a bandage. I think it’s more of a sudden muscle pull but I am not taking any chances.

However I need to return to the office to hand in my pass and do some other admin stuff. And before that, I need to run other errands. So I will be hobbling around town today…

While I may be in London and Bristol this week, I will not be contacting most of my friends in the area.

Dear friends, I don’t mean to avoid you, but we have a busy schedule and I don’t wish to be the black sheep in the family.

My very good friends will probably understand what I mean :P

I discovered to my horror, while at a recent ‘welcome the new staff’ session, that when asked what hobbies I had, there was nothing significant to speak of. If you asked me this question over ten years ago, I’d have given a few answers:

Reading. I still read but in bits and pieces. My mind’s been conditioned to read for the web, and I find myself jumping from book to book, as if they were hyperlinks. I now have plenty of books on my shelf that I’ve wanted to read, but had hardly any time to read them.

Art. I stopped designing web pages and have given up doing anything fancy to my blog. I used to be a great cartoonist up to ACJC days (where my comic books would be confiscated by teachers), and then somehow while studying Law, things dried up.

Music. Despite doing less heavy reading and drawing, I still continued to write music in my home studio for the usual audience of one (i.e. me). At most I’d let a few very trusted friends in on my projects, as they would give constructive advice. You could say music was the last frontier remaining. Then, in February this year I stopped my Jazz piano lessons because I lost the drive to practice. As my hours grew longer I lost the will to sit in my studio, make recordings and figure out technical glitches between my PowerMac and other equipment. I just abandoned the studio, too.

I don’t suppose playing Mob Wars on Facebook counts for much of a hobby, and it’s time to wean myself off these time-wasters anyway.

So in effect, I did have hobbies but somehow they kind of … hob-bled away from me.

I hope to renew my lost loves now that I have a short break before the killer course begins.

Since possibly 30-40 people have asked me similar questions over the past few weeks, I have decided to compile this FAQ which I can, regretfully impersonally, refer them to when I don’t wish to repeat myself over again.

Q. You’re leaving?? Where are you going?

I am going to do my MBA at INSEAD.

Most people know I’m leaving for further studies but a few think I’m leaving for a new job. I’ve never applied for any new jobs in my 4 years at HPB. All offers made to me were flattering, albeit unsolicited, and rejected.

Q. You’re doing an MBA … in what?

In business, lor! MBA = Masters of Business Administration. If you meant to ask what area I’m specialising in, my business school doesn’t officially have specialisations but we can opt to take more modules in a specific area.

Q. INSEAD … what’s that? / blank stare

INSEAD is one of the top European business schools and currently enjoys a #6 ranking from the Financial Times (2008), one place below Harvard, which many Singaporeans hold in awe. It has the widest alumni network in the world because of its strong international focus.

Q. Where is INSEAD?

INSEAD has two campuses, one in France (Fountainebleau) and in Singapore, near Biopolis / ACJC.

Some think that the France and Singapore campuses are separate, and the former is harder to get into. This is not the case at all. We have every right to choose which campus to start in and switch to. However, Fontainebleau has the larger campus and thus there are more opportunities for interactions with classmates and tutors. The plan is to gradually give each campus equal weightage in student population.

Q. So will you be in France or Singapore?

I will start in Singapore, since I heard the earlier periods will be quite tough and it will be more convenient to stay at home then. In my last 1-2 periods I intend to move to Fontainebleau, since it has a larger student base thus I can interact more. But it also depends on which modules are available on which campus, and whether I need to go for interviews.

Q. Wow, France is so nice! Maybe I should come and visit / bunk in / etc.

Don’t think about it. This is an accelerated Masters with a very competitive environment, not an extended holiday. I am going to focus on doing well and interacting with my new classmates, with whom I may only have 2 months to know better.

Q. When does your term start? (one of the most popular questions, and complicated to answer!)

Officially 1 September BUT there is a lot to prepare for it!

Firstly, we must all enter INSEAD already with 2 languages under our belt, and we have to graduate with a third language. Since the INSEAD MBA is an accelerated course, we pack what US schools take 2 years to teach, into 10 months. So you can imagine how tight things will be.

On top of that, we can’t graduate until we pass a test in our third language. You can either study for your third language before term starts, or in the midst of lessons which is not a good idea unless you have no choice. So I am studying French now and hoping to pass the RELC examination set for INSEAD students, in the last week of August. Wish me luck.

Q. Oh, your term officially starts in September? So you must be quite free now …

Don’t call me free, baby. See above answer.

Q. Why INSEAD and not NTU / NUS?

INSEAD is ranked much higher than these local schools. For business schools, reputation is important, although I agree that beyond paper qualifications it is still what you can contribute as a person. Also, INSEAD is truly international. And they’re partnered with Wharton for an exchange programme, so if you want top US MBA experience, there’s always the option.

See Why I Chose INSEAD for more details.

I’ve had 4 action-packed years at the Health Promotion Board. Yesterday was my last official day. I was deeply moved by the farewell lunch and speeches, tickled by the farewell video and the many kind words said to me. Many colleagues have become friends. The most common goodbye phrase was “See you on Facebook!”

I wish the new New Media team well, despite having little time to brainwash familiarise them with all the work that needs to be done. But hopefully things will settle down now there are more hands to lighten the load.

I will be back, popping by to clear up my cubicle and also to say goodbye to some people I didn’t get to see on my last day. Technically, I’m clearing leave…

Over the past couple of weeks I have been asked numerous times about my plans for the future, why I’ve made certain decisions and whether these plans can be reconsidered.

My plans have been fairly straightforward. Like any young person, I seek an environment that allows us to learn and grow, where we can be empowered and challenged. Alternatively, we will seek new opportunities and cut our own path.

In any case, I had long planned to improve myself with a Master’s degree. This was made known in writing years ago. Over the past year, I decided that an MBA would teach me many things that I would not be able to learn on my own, at my present position. I was also at a suitable age and turning point in my life. So I acted on it.

God was truly gracious to grant me a good GMAT score and a place at INSEAD, which was top of my list, so I believe it is also HIS will and not just mine. And even though I’ve heard the course can be gruelling, it will also be a great experience, with the opportunity to meet dynamic individuals from around the world.

I believe this is the right move, as I can contribute far more when my passion for certain issues is complemented with added knowledge and skills which can benefit any organisation.

Also, I understand that the MBA is not just a piece of paper that I can fling in someone’s face just to show I’m somehow better, or that my opinion overrides theirs, whether or not it makes more sense. Those who’ve worked with me will know that’s not my style, anyway. I will start my course with priority on vastly improving my knowledge, contributing my 8 years of work experience to group discussions, making new friends and creating new opportunities.

And so I stand by my first decision - to pursue my MBA.

As for the other decisions? To be continued…

This morning, I intend to:

1. Wake up at 7am or latest, 7.30am after taking lolling-around time into account
2. Run on the treadmill to burn off fat accumulated from consuming too much German beer and sausages
3. Shower and get my hair into some semblance of neatness
4. Have juice and freshly-ground coffee
5. Go to work for a quick meeting
6. Dash off to the film studio and possibly spend the rest of my day at the film shoot. Look out for something new on YouTube, soon ;-)

Let’s see if I can accomplish all of this today…

I suppose I should be excited about my travel plans and starting a new phase of my life, but my mind is set on cutting off things that have been part of my life until now.

The next year of my life will be intensely gruelling. For what is hopefully a better future, I am prepared not to see my friends and family, to work till midnight every day during my course. That is what I am told could be life as an MBA student in a top school, if my groupmates are difficult to work with. Apparently we are put together purposely to clash, so we get used to multi-cultural issues and are prepared for a more global role.

Other things will also have to make way. To cut down on emails, which have become a chore to read since I get hundreds every day, I am unsubscribing from mailing lists and warning people I will not be contributing so frequently. If unsubscribing doesn’t work I will start marking emails as spam. I won’t answer queries from my website asking for web design or hacking iPhones. Go look somewhere else - I’m no technician.

And to PR agencies who’ve never bothered striking up a meaningful relationship with me, yet send me generic press releases expecting me to blog about their client’s product launch - FORGET IT. If you treat us like a dime a dozen, we won’t give you even two cents’ worth.

To conserve my physical energy, I have turned down three invitations in a row and backed out of other social commitments. I’ll do what is best for my health and won’t tire myself out. And I don’t owe anyone a reason why I cannot make it.

I get random calls on my iPhone. I won’t return them if the number’s unrecognised. Unfortunately the iPhone doesn’t recognise numbers if the caller ID has a +65 in front of it while my Address Book doesn’t have it, or vice-versa. It’s too much trouble to go to my laptop, key in the numbers and search through my Address Book to see if it’s a friend. If it’s really important the person will call me again. More often than not, it’s to make me sign up for another credit card, and I’m not going to be earning money for another year, so scram.

I won’t meet up with people who suddenly tell me they’re in town and want to meet in an hour’s time. They can do something else. I will continue doing whatever I was planning to do. This has happened 3 times in the past few days as well. Sorry guys, give me advance notice next time.

And my new principle is: If I’m treated just an afterthought for anything, I will cut off ties and move on to something new. Following advice given by a good guy friend, VL: If you’re trying too hard, it probably isn’t working out. There are many other people and opportunities out there. If you’re not valued, or it’s not shown until it’s too late, then move to another (bigger) pond.

Since I’ve announced my MBA plans, I’ve been approached by a number of people asking me to freelance while studying.

My answer to this is: No. There simply isn’t enough time, even if the work involved is more strategic and less operational.

Those who are not familiar with what studying for an MBA entails - and even more who are unfamiliar with INSEAD’s system - may not realise there will be no time for such things.

Doing a full-time MBA at a top business school is already challenging. The classmates I’ve met so far are brilliant; many already have more than one degree, and are already high-flyers in their organisations. What’s more, our MBA syllabus is compressed into just 10 months while many American schools may take 22 months.

I want to dedicate my time fully to doing my MBA, and doing it well. What precious little time I have left will be spent with family, loved ones and friends. And that’s that.

Had a great dinner with my SCGS girlfriends on Friday at La Forketta at Dempsey Road. We had a lot to catch up on. We called another schoolmate long-distance to wish her happy birthday as well, as that was the actual day for her.

On Saturday I had lunch with my mum and sis as usual, and then I did some shopping. Bumped into a Bristol Uni law junior along the way, had coffee with her and met two of her friends. Headed to Margarita’s at Dempsey for dinner and drinks with my Bristol Uni mates, and then to Angelshare a few units away for Bellinis. Talked until we realised it was just past midnight, and then the glass-clinking began.

On Sunday, I went to church as usual, had lunch with the clan, went to the driving range and did pretty well considering I had not practiced in perhaps half a year. Most of my shots went a decent distance in the right direction, and my drives were decent, almost as good as when I was playing more regularly. Had dinner at Gyu-Kaku where we cook our own BBQ meats. So glad my grandfather, who’s had a poor appetite lately, had finished all his food and the birthday cake my dad had sweetly arranged for. Ultimately it is not about going to a super fancy restaurant, but enjoying time with family and friends.

Not shyly, I congratulated my parents for their 30th anniversary of being parents, my aunts for becoming aunts and my grandparents for becoming grandparents :)

I have a couple more dinners to go over the next week. Should be great fun.

I never thought the day would come, but soon I will be starting a new decade in my life. Ugh. I feel so old! The only consolation was that another Singaporean INSEAD classmate thought I looked younger than her, and she’s only 28, so that made me feel better :)

Up to recently, I harboured thoughts of organising a huge bash, inviting friends from all walks of life to party-party. But that’s more like a 21st birthday bash. At this rapidly maturing age, I’d rather spend quality time with each group individually instead of flitting about from table to table.

So. These are the dinner dates already arranged:

1. With my nearest and dearest SCGS schoolmates. 22 May, venue TBC but in the company of cultured foodies like Dimsumdolly, Monoceros and Fatgirltales, I don’t think we can go far wrong. And yes, we will all wear dresses, OK?

2. With my former bible study mates and church friends. Booked for 23 May (venue TBC) and 31 May (Min Jiang at Rochester Park, yum yum).

3. Family - probably on the day itself. Nothing planned yet.

That’s all for now!

And happy birthday today to another old SCGS schoolmate and ‘bad tennis’ partner, Tinkmartini, who is celebrating by climbing a mountain. It must be a HUGE mountain, for her to begin climbing at age 29 and descending when she’s 30 ;-P

Just cancelled my French class this morning as we have an urgent rehearsal before an event this afternoon. That’s three lessons in a row this week, which confirms my suspicions it won’t be possible to study an intensive course and do my kind of work at the same time. And this is just to meet my third language requirement so I can graduate next year!

Come Fall, we will be fully submerged in a heavy-duty MBA syllabus, squeezing what US schools take nearly 2 years to teach, into 10 months. Some classmates may still be learning their third language during this time, which will be tougher on them. This is why we have all been advised to clear our third language requirements before starting school.

I really hope to take and pass my French exam before starting school, but at the rate I am going, it is not heartening. I have to carve out some real personal time to catch up with the rest of my language classmates now. Hopefully this week’s series of urgent events will be one-off and I won’t be required to cancel my leave again.

It is disturbing to see myself becoming tardier about punctuality. Over the last few years I have developed this unrealistic belief that more things can be squeezed into less time and that I can magically appear at another part of Singapore in a few minutes, in a parallel universe where no traffic exists and car park space is abundant.

Part of this tardiness is due to psychological reasons. Sometimes there is a fear of offending someone by walking out of an overrun meeting. So we leave late and start the next appointment late and the domino effect begins. I always marvelled at how American TV shows showing how schoolchildren packed up their books and left class as the schoolbell ran, even while their teacher was talking. They have less stigma about leaving on time.

At work, perhaps scarce rooms are a solution - when they’re booked at fixed time slots, the next group will be knocking on the door when time’s up, and the meeting will have to be concluded quickly. And perhaps rooms should only be booked for one hour slots or less, so that nobody should be late or longwinded or unprepared at a meeting.

The worst experience I myself have had as a customer, was with my new personal banker. I asked him to meet me at a restaurant near my office. I sent him a food review page from Hungrygowhere.com, which also contained a Google map of the place. He parked somewhere else, walked off in the wrong direction and lost his bearings. After a few phone calls he was still lost. When he finally found the restaurant, he was an hour late. He paid for lunch.

So, my two new mid-year resolutions are: To smile more, and to be on time. Dare I?

In the space of a few days, I was told by people from different walks of life - my mum, a random French shopkeeper, a couple of friends - that I should smile more.

The thing is, often I’m not feeling unhappy but my default expression is a :-| not a :-> and I don’t realise it.

Last night I was Twittering about how a local gal in French class was annoying me by pouncing on my every mistake. She’d go ‘Harh?!” when I asked a question or said something not quite right, even though she herself wasn’t that good in French either. She would also chat to the Brit guy beside her but not turn to talk to me. There are only 3 of us in the class.

In the light of the weekend’s feedback on my demeanour, I thought I could do a couple of things (apart from punch her in the face, which @dominik recommended :).

I could work harder on my French so that I’d make less mistakes and we’d learn from each other instead of pointing out each other’s faults.

Next, I could smile more and make the effort to talk to her, as much as I initially thought she was one of those who were nicer to expats than to their own kind. But we tend to stereotype each other when we have bad first impressions. Maybe she assumed I was unfriendly because of my serious face, and I classified her as a snob when she ignored me.

As it was, it was our second lesson together today and it was much more enjoyable because we actually loosened up more and found out more about each other. Somehow my French had also improved and the vocabulary I picked up 11 years ago was coming back, so I could enhance the sentences we were learning to make. We left, feeling positive about our lesson and looking forward to tomorrow.

I’m officially announcing that I will be doing my MBA at INSEAD this Fall.

It took me many years to decide to do an MBA, and it was not easy. I told God I could not do it without Him, and He answered my prayers.

Of course, an MBA is not an end in itself - as if any paper qualification would be, though some places peg your prospects to it - but I hope it will teach me things I’ve haven’t learnt at work, and open up more opportunities for me. There are many worlds I have yet to see, explore - and dare I say, conquer?

This explains why I have been rushing to take my French exam, as we need at least 3 languages to graduate at INSEAD. It is certainly not easy, but we’re up to the challenge. Being in an international school requires you to communicate in different languages. Speaking 5 or 6 languages at INSEAD is not too uncommon, from what I’ve heard.

I finally got to meet my classmates at the Open Day on Saturday and it was great. We spent the whole day together. I think there are many nice people around, and the number of countries we’re from is mind-blowing. Some may prefer US schools but I’m happy with going to a school where no nationality is dominant. A cross-cultural understanding is important in today’s globalised business world.

Some friends had the impression I would be leaving Singapore very soon. To be precise, I am going to my sister’s convocation in the UK in early July. My orientation and preparatory course (for those with no business background, such as ahem public officers) will start in August. The actual term will begin in September. Next Spring I intend to make my way to the Fontainebleau campus, and that is where I may spend 2-4 months.

It is a big time in my life, as I step into a brave new world. In some ways I’m sad to leave some great memories and people behind; in other ways, happy and excited at starting life anew.

I’m quoted in the papers today regarding YouTube as an outreach channel. Thanks to Tan Weizhen for the coverage!

I was explaining how some may have concerns that uploaded videos could be downloaded and manipulated, etc. But this also happens with anything else you put online. You have a corporate website? Well, someone could modify your logo. If you’re afraid, then forget about this new outreach channel. Don’t be too upset if something rips your copyrighted videos and uploads them to YouTube instead - on the positive side, that gives you more exposure. If some have bothered to go through this trouble, it could indicate they’re interested enough in the cause.

And if you want to see what our youths can do in a user-generated video contest on health, check this out for quality and depth!

…fell asleep earlier than expected, and woke up, also earlier than expected. Since that shouldn’t be happening on a public holiday, I went back to sleep. Sleep does magical things for mouth ulcers, like making them almost disappear overnight. I should apply more sleep for a longer-lasting effect.

Surfed the net as usual, bummed about. Explored some eating places near Mustafa Centre for lunch. Went to the neighbourhood mall to buy fruits and stationery. Went home and completed my French homework. I suck at doing homework cos I’m just lazy and every time I use my MacBook Pro, I end up surfing the web instead of looking up French conjugations online.

Went to Sin Huat Seafood restaurant at Geylang for dinner. Waited for nearly an hour, as is the norm, but other family members were too hungry, so we headed off to Roland’s for late night seafood. Moral of the story: Never go to a famous restaurant during peak hours, especially soon after it’s received a writeup in the papers - in this case, for its crab bee hoon.

Came home late. Surfed the net, as usual. Going to sleep. Felt I had to post something. Done. Zz.

Been working till 10pm for the past 2 days and the long hours may continue. I’m trying to complete as much work as I can. A couple of very good things have happened and I hope to impress upon the powers that be of the important work our team is doing and hopefully that will give us more leeway to venture into more interesting projects. That alone has motivated me to keep going.

On top of that, I’ve resumed French class - exams are in less than a month’s time. I wanted to take only one exam, but it appears that my teacher thinks I can take an even more difficult exam, plus an easier one, so it looks like I will be taking 3 papers in total! They will all be on different days; possible 3 days in a row. And right after my birthday :(

So, something has to give. That has been my own personal time and sleep. Which I am about to do, now. Zz

I was fortunate to gain a sneak preview of the new exhibition at the Peranakan Museum along Armenian Street, courtesy of the curator. My family donated some items so we were given a private tour.

We often hear about Peranakan cuisine but seldom delve deep into Peranakan culture and history. At the museum, we saw artefacts that we never even knew existed. I will not post any photos here, because I’d rather encourage people to visit the museum instead.

Check out the pottery, jewellery, baju (clothing) and beaded articles. The Peranakans bead everything! Some items I felt could be converted to modern-day TV remote control holders and iPod cases (particularly the latter - maybe it will be a new fashion statement). There are also a few brilliant pieces of embroidery which other museums in the world are interested in, so that’s something to be proud of.

I have decided to turn down all requests to commit myself to “extra-curricular” projects. On the spot, when asked, I tend to be flattered and genuinely excited that people want to involve me in something new. However, when I go back and think about it, I realise I’m spread out too thin already. Then I tell them I can’t do it. It’s happened twice in the past month already. Sorry, guys.

Thanks to Nick Pan for finding this photo of me on the new Singapore search engine, rednano.sg.

The photo was taken for my 2006 Straits Times political desk interview as part of the Gahmen Bloggers feature.

The photographer was at my place, and I recall telling him as I sat at my piano, “I work for HPB. Don’t make me look fat!” :P

He took many, many photos before he was satisfied. (Hmm)

He let me see the photos, which I thought were decent, but wouldn’t let me download them.

Now I know why. A full-sized pic of me costs S$100! But that’s very clever. Imagine this business model - taking lovely shots of people featured in the papers and allowing them to buy them back for a premium.

We’re egotistical, and how often do we get our photos in the papers (unless we’re famous politicians, businesspeople, artistes etc)?

Now if SPH completes the loop, this is what could happen…

Interviewee: Can you send me the photos you took of me?

Photographer: Sorry we can’t, company policy. But… (whips out card) after the article’s out, you can purchase your own photo at rednano.sg or newslink.com.sg!

When you receive 60-100 emails a day, but are in meetings for most of the day and busy covering duties, there isn’t time to finish checking and replying to all messages.

Now I resort to skimming. I wish I could put up an autoresponder like Tim Ferriss’s, saying I will only check email twice a day. But I wouldn’t dare.

Email is now my Red Sea. Red is the colour of emails I haven’t ‘read’ yet. See, is what I need to do with the red. Get it?

I was at the Glass House today to support Cheyenne, aka Siren. She was holding up pretty well, not having smoked for the past 3 days.

Saturday morning - meet Greek blogger Zanatos. Lunch with family. Visit Cheyenne at Glass House. Hope to bump into more Gunners. Take photos and blog about it. Somewhere in between, finish urgent paperwork. Try to study French.

Sunday - go to church (as usual) Play bad tennis with Lisa (though we seldom meet, it is usually bad) Somewhere in between, finish urgent paperwork. Try to study French. Go to the Times Business Books sale. Head off to the Liz perhaps, with all the Gunners, post-Glass House!

I’m resuming French tuition at my new language school from today. I hope all goes well. I will be dashing in and out from class to office, from cubicle to meeting rooms. I can barely reply to all the emails being sent. I would love to apply the principles taught in the 4 hour work week, but it is not going to be easy.

While I was MIA on Gmail and Facebook, I nearly missed a dinner appointment and learnt, 12 hours late, that Flickr now supports videos (Pro users only). For some reason lots of friends want to meet up with me now. With late hours and social gatherings, I haven’t even seen my parents for the past day, even though we live in the same house.

Something has to give.

Cafepress.com emailed me today to inform me that I had sold another Thinking Cap!

Cafepress.com allows me to see my customers’ profiles. So here’s the breakdown on all the people who bought my cap: All my customers live in the US. Two are from Florida, one’s from New York, one’s from Iowa, one’s from North Carolina, and one’s from Michigan. My latest buyer hails from Wisconsin. I get US$1 commission per cap sold. Thanks, guys!

One of my buyers did return a cap, so I have US$6 in commission altogether. Looking at the rate I’m making money (relatively slow), it will take me several more years before I actually get my first cheque! But still, I am happy!

For new readers who are wondering what I’m talking about, see the previous history on the Thinking Cap. I designed this in honour of my friend Ivan aka Ramblinglibrarian, who was dubbed by the media to be a ‘Thinking Man’.

Update 11 Apr 2008: I just sold 1 more cap! This latest buyer is from New Jersey. Woohoo!

The French Delf exam is coming up in May, and yours truly is intending to go for crash courses until she is suitably prepared to pass it.

Alliance Francaise’s Delf preparation classes were already in progress when I decided to take the exam, so I couldn’t join in; and besides they don’t offer classes for the basic level I want to take. They also told me they didn’t think I could get ready in time for the exams in May. Gee, thanks.

So I decided to surf around to find other schools that could help me, pronto. I found a school called French Faster and they have had recent experience helping students pass their exams.

Bonsoir.

Je m’appelle Vanessa. Je suis étudiante a l’Alliance Française. Je voudrais améliorer mon Français.

Il estC’est vingt-trois heures est je suis fatigue.

That’s about all I can recall / figure out at the moment.

I first studied French at Alliance Francaise in 1997 while waiting for my A-level results. I completed two levels, Elementary 1 and 2. Did fairly well at the test. Recently I decided to learn French again, took a placement test, didn’t know much of what was going on but just picked what looked right. Turns out I had about half correct! How lucky was that. So I was placed in the Elementary 3 class.

I went to the school to book my classes and asked if I could start off at a lower level to brush up what I learnt 10 years ago. The new receptionist mixed up her records and assured me that this week a new Elementary 1 course would be starting. So I signed up. Several days later someone else from the school called, saying that I had been booked for Elementary 3 instead.

So I’m here, a stranger in this class where the students have already bonded for 2 terms. I’m doing my best to recall what I’ve learnt. I still remember some basics but my vocabulary is nearly forgotten. There’s another new girl but she learnt French 5 years ago and qualified to enter Elementary 4 instead of 3 so she’s definitely better at it than me.

It looks like I’m possibly the weakest in class. But my professeur said to give it 2 days and see how it goes. If I have problems I can go for private lessons instead. But it’s much more expensive.

Ah, the things I have to do for a better future…

Had a good, quick flight to Austin. Took a taxi straight to Kristen and Mark’s place, played with Alexander, had dinner. Will meet my conference roommates later.

Typing this on my iPhone. Excuse the terseness while I get used to the keyboard. i’m not getting 100% functionality on Movabletype 4.

And speaking of the iPhone: I’ve had requests to get more iPhones. I’m declining these requests.

My first memories of my maternal grandmother, or Por Por as I called her, probably began with soup. She was Hakka but cooked a delicious Cantonese soup - and many other dishes as well. As a child, I would keep asking for seconds.

My parents and I used to visit her over the weekend in her previous home which she had lived in for decades. Then she moved much further away, we saw less of her and over the last few years her health deteriorated.

Those thoughts went through my head at the dinner table last night, when my parents informed me that Por Por was in her final hours and that we'd be going to the hospital to visit her right after our meal.

The waitress brought in the soup of the day.

I tasted the soup and commented, "It's like Por Por's soup." Nobody else said a word.

By the time we got to the Intensive Care Unit, most of my cousins, aunts and uncles were there. They were all in tears. It was the sight of everyone, reunited and sorrowful, that moved me most. My oldest cousins were the most affected because she brought them up, and they all lived under one roof - even after moving house.

I and my sister, not being able to speak Cantonese, would miss out on the dining table conversations and had to rely on other people to translate the punchlines for us. As such, we didn't feel as great an attachment to the gatherings. My Por Por did speak English as well but often the conversation among the entire family would be in Cantonese.

However, I remember with fondness the time I drove Por Por to her favourite Tekkah Market where she bought ingredients for cooking, and she took me and my sister to a favourite hawker hangout to eat. That was perhaps the most memorable time she spent, just with us.

For the past few Chinese New Years, I'd visit her. I'd make the long drive up to Ang Moh Kio with my mum and paternal grandmother to deliver foodstuffs. It was sweet, seeing my two grandmothers ask about each other. Usually they would both say something nice about me and my sister, and I would squirm politely. Over the years she had to use a walking stick. In her last year she was already in a wheelchair.

Every time we made the visit, I took photos of my grandmothers together, knowing that as the years went by there'd be a less likely chance of seeing them together again. A few days after that, my paternal grandmother would tell me that Por Por had taken a taxi all the way down to return the favour. It is in both my grandmothers' natures to give, no matter how trouble they might go through.

Recently my paternal grandmother heard about my Por Por's recent health problems and told me that Por Por had once said she would live on to see me get married. To that, I replied that Por Por would have a very long life! At least she lived long enough to have a great-granddaughter, with another on the way.

My little neice was too young to comprehend the graveness of the situation late last night as the whole family gathered around Por Por, who was being pumped with Adrenaline. The doctor had already told us she was in her last hours. As I saw the little girl scampering about, I recalled the time my own great-grandmothers died. I was the first great-grandchild for both of them, and had the rare opportunity to know them for the first several years of my life. When they died, I knew the fact but was too young to feel much emotion. Likewise for my neice.

The last thing we tried doing was to keep Por Por's heart beating by talking to her. Every time one of us called her and identified ourselves, her heart rate would pick up. Still, it was at best half the rate of a healthy person her age. Her heart rate picked up the most when her great-granddaughter called her, not surprisingly.

We left the hospital close to midnight, asking the other relatives to call us when it happened. At 2am my mother received the phone call and I heard the news when I woke up this morning.

It will be a solemn Chinese New Year for us.

The past couple of weeks have been emotionally trying.

Firstly, I faced the fact that my former boss and long-standing mentor was finally retiring.

It's also the time of the year to say goodbye to others whom I'd consider friends - LSD, EL, JT, DT, MML... all great people to work with.

Most recently, I learnt that our resident Superman, SW, is returning to a place similar to his original planet Krypton. I wish him all the best and hope he will fly more freely, just as I had, and put his superpowers to better use.

There are other trials, outside of work. Two of my grandparents are fighting to regain their health right now. My maternal grandma has been in intensive care for days. It's a day-to-day survival for her. Mentally she's still fine, but has difficulty with breathing and eating. She's also tried yanking out her own tubes, probably because she's so uncomfortable. She's always been a rebel. When I was a little girl, I used to tell her to stop smoking. She'd promise me she would cut it down to a stick a day. And now I'm working in HPB.

My paternal grandfather is in better condition but is getting used to a more restrictive and careful lifestyle. This was a man who was over 6 feet tall and would swim out into the sea and back. In his late 70s, he once got up from the dinner table and hit the dance floor, taking my grandmother with him. I'm less worried for him but hope that the family speaks as one, and not as many conflicting voices, in our well-meaning attempts to restore his health.

There are a few other trials as well, even closer to home. Spiritually I am leaning on God and am planning to rejoin a home group in the next few months. There are many other things I have to do soon, and my life may change quite a bit. Until then, I'm soldiering on.

As requested by JS, here’s the farewell speech I made earlier this afternoon for my former boss, who is retiring after 30 plus years of public service.

I’m proud to be here today as someone who has worked under Richard Lim.

Richard is a boss who empowers and encourages his staff. As a newcomer to HPB nearly 4 years ago, I appreciated how he’d make the time and effort to explain things to me.

Throughout his work, you could tell that Richard had a passion for health promotion and serving the public. Everything he did, he did with the best interests of the organisation and the nation. He was unafraid to speak his mind.

Richard played a key role in developing the Internet Section, as we were then known, by encouraging us to explore new frontiers, such as podcasting and mobile technologies. HPB is now viewed by many in the public service and beyond as a pioneer in these areas.

Richard was a boss who let us play hard as well. As chairman of the HWC* Sports & Games subcommittee, Richard encouraged us to get active. We have to thank him for getting some of us started on golf!

In time, I also discovered that Richard had a sense of humour, which made even the most difficult challenges more bearable.

Richard, you have set a great example for many of us as a mentor and a boss.

I can only hope, one day, to be as great a boss as you have been. And as good a golfer as you already are!

Thank you, Richard!

Man, we’re going to miss him.

*HWC is our Healthy Workforce Committee.

I am preparing a speech to my ex-boss who is retiring from the organisation. He was asked to select a few staff members to say some words about him, and I was one of the people he chose. I am honoured.

He was always there to give us guidance at the start of a project, so that few things went wrong in the end. When things did go wrong, he would help out and support his staff, and not point the finger at them. I appreciate this as I've known bosses who give no guidance and then blame their team to avoid making themselves look bad (without realising that will backfire).

The word 'empowerment' is often thrown around as part of corporate-speak. I don't think my ex-boss used the word on us, but it was all in his actions. He'd let us run our own projects - he didn't need us to CC him on every little matter. Unlike the micromanager type, he wasn't insecure in having staff know more details about their own projects than he did, because he had the big picture in mind all the time. He let us manage our own meetings with internal clients, because he said he wanted us to grow.

Indeed, I grew a lot under his supervision. Very often, my morale was high and I was in a state of 'flow' - where I was so engaged with my work that I felt as one with it. It never felt like drudgery. I never woke up feeling that I didn't want to go to work, or that I was too bogged down by bureaucracy to be productive. 'Flow' is a feeling that is hard to come by for many of us, so I will remember it and hope to sustain it.

Without the empowerment given by my ex-boss, I wonder if I'd ever have dared to launch the very first podcast in the Government and start the Gahmen Bloggers group. If I was under a restrictive, tyrannical boss who wanted me to do nothing but stick to the Workplan, I might have thought twice about trying anything new. Having been under such a boss before, I can imagine the response would be: "Not enough work to do, issit?" And I would probably be asked to focus on simply meeting KPIs.

My ex-boss didn't agree that staff performance was all about KPIs, because quality counts, not just numbers. There's no point rushing out several mediocre microsites when all we need is a good one.

I also wonder if I'd ever have dared to ask to be sent to an overseas conference - something that nobody in my Department (service line, relatively low priority) had done until then. He supported me, and I went to SXSW in 2006. This gave me new insights which I applied to my projects and to future talks that I would be invited to give.

My ex-boss's passion for serving the nation is also moving. He often reminded us that our real clients were the public, not other departments whom we serviced. We should therefore produce materials and websites that appealed to the public and not simply because the internal client likes the colour green. He never pandered to anyone and had the courage to stand by his views.

In my previous 7 years of working experience, I have never had such a good boss before. Most of my other bosses have been pretty decent too, but this one hits the spot. He helped me to fly.

I really have to give him a good speech but if so, I hope I don't break down on stage this Wednesday. Many of us will miss him a lot and we can only wish him all the best.

I recently helped produce this video as part of a health campaign. To date it remains exclusively on Youtube. It's a new approach we're trying out - using new media channels instead of paying a bomb for traditional media airtime. Let me know what you think.

I don't smoke myself - but many of us are passive smokers, inhaling smoke from other people and that is harmful too. When I was in China earlier this month, I had respiratory problems due to factory smoke outside and people smoking indoors. I can handle spit-covered pavements and smelly toilets, but my nasal lining was worn out from the pollution and I'm still coughing out phlegm up to today. It makes you appreciate the air quality in Singapore (provided the neighbours don't burn anything).

In 2008, I resolve to:

1. Seize the day. 'Carpe Diem' will be the overarching approach to everything I do this year and beyond. Too often I have regretted not doing things more than doing things and making mistakes. At least with mistakes, we gain experience and grow. When we don't even try out new things which we're probably capable of handling, we never know if we could've moved on to a higher plane and improved our lives. In 2008, I will kiss stagnation goodbye.
2. Improve my overall fitness. I did more brisk walking in 2007, but put off serious exercise too often. It was partly due to the fact that I fell ill often in 2007 and was not supposed to engage in vigorous activities too soon after recovering. Then I'd catch another bug and my exercise plans would be delayed again. In 2008, I intend to take better care of my health and break this vicious cycle. This will involve changing my lifestyle quite a bit - namely, improving my work-life balance so I can get off my butt, stop staring at the screen and spend more time at the gym and improving my golf. Maybe this year I'll finally get my handicap. I intend to sleep and wake up earlier so I'll have more time to exercise in the morning.
3. Spend more time with God again. This isn't the least important resolution but I put it at the end because it's a good way to wrap up my plans. In 2007, I turned down all offers to help out at church courses like Alpha and Christianity Explored, because I could not promise that I'd be able to tear myself away from work in the evenings. It would've been worse to say yes, then not show up most of the time. However, in the eternal scheme of things, that is not how it should be. I must set boundaries for myself and address any guilt triggers which make me feel obliged to overcompensate with time or effort.

These are more like 'big picture' resolutions. Of course, I have plans to do geeky things like restore my Mac, recover all the lost files in my 1TB external hard drive, get a MacBook Pro (not the costly Air), get an iPhone (if it doesn't break the law), upload an album and become an iTunes artiste, go to SXSW 2008, collaborate with entrepreneur-type friends, speak at more events and revamp this blog. Apart from that, other aspects of my life may be drastically changed this year. But that's all part of my plan to seize the day.