November 2010 Archives

Saying no has been a resolution of mine that I still feel bad doing. Yet, this ability frees people up and allows the requestor to look for alternatives.

In fact, I think I should say No more often, for any of the following reasons:

1. I don’t know the requestor well
2. I don’t know the beneficiary of the request well, or at all
3. My time is limited, and doing such things is not on my priority list, even if it seems important to the requestor
4. The last thing I want is more stress from having to live up to additional expectations of carrying out the favour to someone else’s tastes
5. The requestor is presumptive in attitude, or tries to make me feel guilty for not helping.

I also say no to last-minute social invitations which require me to reschedule my plans and compromise on other obligations.

There are so many more compelling things on my To-Do list like learning new skills, doing research on trends, personal administration, spending time with other people… that it doesn’t make sense to bite off more than I want to chew, for something that doesn’t matter as much to me as it does to the requestor.

I still like helping people, but it really has to be within reason. In essence, saying No is about enforcing one’s boundaries, managing time and also people’s expectations.

Recently I was updating different groups of seniors (including an elderly relative) on how information can be easily found on the Internet, say, about myself. In fact, someone did discover my online profile prior to meeting me, and I was recounting how impressed I was at this resourcefulness.

However, that provoked a very different reaction on their part. They felt I got what I deserved for putting my information online. (i.e. it was ‘bad’ for other people to know about you). I would have attributed this difference in attitude to the Generation Gap, but a few of their own contemporaries have online profiles themselves, so I’d say it’s more about differing mindsets or privacy preferences.

Going back to my story: As they were not present during my encounter with the aforementioned ‘resourceful person’, they did not know that this person had formed a positive impression of me based on the online research - at least, that was what was said!

I’m sure we all want to give a good first impression. But in today’s world, the first impression is no longer how you look - that’s the second impression. People now Google each other’s names before attending a big meeting. Depending on how open you are with sharing information, you would either want people to 1) not find anything about you, period or 2) find only good things about you.

I tend to prefer the latter option, but that’s my personal choice. I decided long ago to allow nothing online that one would be ashamed of. If one has issues with work or family, take it up personally with the people involved. It’s more constructive that way. Useful insights may be shared online (as with this post) - but in a very generic manner, to ensure that no living human beings or animals are harmed in the course of production.

Ultimately, in the grand scheme of things, whether or not we have an online profile, it is what we do in real life that matters most.

Lately, we’ve had lots of food for thought about making presentations. It made me look back at what I was doing, just over a year ago, and wonder whether things have really progressed for me since then.